Couples Therapy NYC for Chinese & Asian American Couples

Couples therapy is a space to slow down together, understand what is really going on beneath the conflict, and find your way back to each other. As a couples therapist in NYC, I work primarily with Chinese and Asian American couples, drawing on Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), an evidence-based, attachment-based approach to helping partners reconnect. Sessions are available in English and 中文.

This May Feel Familiar

When you long for closeness but keep missing each other emotionally:

You find yourselves stuck in the same painful cycle, longing for closeness but ending up more disconnected.
Efforts to talk often lead to misunderstanding, defensiveness, or feeling unseen.
You struggle to name what you truly need from your partner, or feel afraid those needs might be “too much.”
It feels like you are both reacting not just to each other, but to older wounds that never fully healed.
Moments of disconnection feel larger than the situation itself, as if touching something deeper inside you.

In couples therapy, we slow down to understand the deeper needs beneath the conflict, so you can start feeling emotionally safe, seen, and connected again.

Couples Therapy for Chinese & Asian American Couples

For many Chinese and Asian American couples, the hardest part of relating to your partner is not the surface conflict. It is something more quiet, and more painful: putting words to what you feel, and letting your partner see you in the places where you are most tender. Many of us grew up in homes where vulnerable emotions were not spoken, where need was something to manage privately rather than express, where love was shown through action and sacrifice rather than through saying “I need you,” “I miss you,” or “I feel hurt by you.”

So when you reach for your partner and the words do not come, or when your partner reaches for you and you cannot quite see what they are feeling underneath their tone, this is not a personal failure. It is what so many of us inherited from how we learned to be in relationships. The language of vulnerable feeling, and the practice of seeing each other in those feelings, often had to be set aside long before either of you knew you would need it with a partner one day.

Couples therapy with me is, in many ways, a chance to learn this language together. We slow down enough to notice what is actually happening between you, including the emotions that go unspoken because they were never safe to name, and the longings that go unmet because neither of you knew how to ask. As your therapist, I help you say what has been hard to say, and help your partner hear it in a way that lets it land.

Beyond this core dynamic, I also hold space for the particular relational realities many of my couples bring in:

Cross-cultural and intercultural relationships, including Chinese-American, Asian-American, and mixed-heritage partnerships, where each partner is navigating different family expectations, cultural rhythms, and ways of expressing love.
Immigrant and 1.5/second-generation experiences, including the strain of carrying different relationships to home, language, and family across the two of you.
The presence of family in the relationship: parental expectations about partner choice, in-law dynamics, and the ongoing weight of family loyalty within the couple.

As a bilingual couples therapist working in both English and 中文, I make space for whichever language helps each of you say what is most true.

How I Work: Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT)

My work with couples is grounded in Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), an evidence-based, attachment-based approach developed by Dr. Sue Johnson. EFT is one of the most extensively researched models in couples therapy, and it rests on a simple but powerful idea: the conflicts that hurt the most in a relationship are almost always, underneath, about attachment. They are about whether you matter to your partner, whether you can count on them to be there, whether you can reach for each other and be met.

Rather than focusing only on communication skills or behavioral fixes, EFT helps you understand the emotional cycle that keeps the two of you stuck. One partner pursues, the other withdraws. One protests, the other shuts down. Both are trying, in their own way, to protect the bond, and both end up feeling more alone. In our work, we slow down these cycles together, make sense of the deeper emotions and needs underneath them, and create new moments where you can reach for each other and actually be met.

Over time, EFT helps couples move from rigid, painful patterns into a relationship where it feels safe to be vulnerable, where each of you can say what you truly need, and where you can become a reliable source of comfort and connection for each other again.

To learn more about EFT, an evidence – based approach to couples therapy, you can visit the International Centre for Excellence in Emotionally Focused Therapy (ICEEFT) at www.iceeft.com

My EFT Training

I am a Level 2 EFT therapist trained through ICEEFT, having completed both the EFT Externship and Core Skills training, the formal training pathway developed by Dr. Sue Johnson and her colleagues. I have also served as an Experiential Assistant in EFT trainings, which involves supporting other therapists in their EFT skill development under faculty guidance. EFT is the primary lens through which I work with couples.

What to Expect

Couples therapy with me has a particular rhythm and feel. Here is what tends to happen in the work.

Slowing down together

Most couples come in already moving fast: reactive, defended, hurt. Much of the early work is simply learning to slow down enough to notice what is actually happening between you, in the moment. Not the story of who did what, but the emotional signals you are both sending and missing.

I work with both of you, not as a referee

I am not here to decide who is right. My job is to help each of you understand what is happening underneath your own reactions, and to help your partner see you there. Both of your inner experiences matter equally, and the work is about widening the space between you so both can be held.

Corrective emotional experiences

EFT works because change happens in lived moments, not just in agreement. Over time, you will reach for each other and be met in ways the old cycle did not allow. In EFT, these are called corrective emotional experiences: lived moments where something new is felt, between the two of you, that the old pattern would have prevented. Repeated and deepened, these experiences become the foundation of a different kind of relationship.

Bilingual when it helps

For couples where one or both partners are more fluent or more emotionally connected in 中文, we can move between English and Mandarin as it serves the work. Some feelings live more naturally in one language than the other. Both are welcome here.

Logistics

Sessions. Couples sessions are 60 minutes, typically held weekly. Some couples in more acute conflict choose to meet twice a week for a period.

In-person and online. I see couples both at my office in Manhattan and online over Zoom, available to couples located anywhere in New York State.

Fees and insurance. The fee is $200 per session. I am an out-of-network (OON) provider and do not bill insurance directly. I can provide a monthly superbill that you can submit to your insurance for possible reimbursement, with the amount varying by plan.

Sliding scale. A limited number of sliding scale spots are available. If cost feels like a barrier, please bring it up during our consultation. I’d rather have an honest conversation than have it quietly stand in the way.

Frequently Asked Questions

Is couples therapy still useful if only one of us is sure we want it?

Yes, often. Many couples come in with one partner more ready than the other, and that is completely workable. Part of the early work is making space for both of you, including any ambivalence, so the therapy itself does not become another place where one person feels pushed and the other resists.

What if we have already tried couples therapy and it didn’t help?

You are not alone in that. Many of the couples I work with have done some form of couples work before, and found that it gave them tools without reaching the deeper emotional layer. EFT is designed to reach exactly there. We move beneath the communication skills and into the underlying attachment patterns that keep the cycle going.

Can we have sessions in Mandarin?

Yes. I work in both English and 中文. For many couples, parts of the emotional truth live more naturally in one language than the other, and we can move between them as it helps.

What if I might also benefit from individual therapy?

That is very common. Some clients work with me in couples therapy alongside their own individual therapist, and some begin with individual work and decide later that couples therapy would be helpful. You can read more about individual work at my Individual Therapy page.

How long does couples therapy usually last?

It varies. Many couples come in for focused work over several months and find meaningful change in that window. Others continue longer as they deepen the work. We check in regularly to make sure the therapy continues to feel useful and right for you.

Begin When You’re Ready

Feeling stuck in your relationship is one of the most painful places to be, and reaching out is often the hardest first step. A free consultation is a low-pressure way to see how it feels to talk with me before deciding anything.